Understanding Ghosting: How to Heal and Grow Beyond It

Ghosting is a term that's gaining popularity, especially among younger generations. Whether you're in Gen Alpha, Gen Z, or the Millennial generation, you're probably already familiar with the term and its meaning. For older generations, the idea of ghosting in the context of relationships may be relatively new, but it's a concept that's increasingly relevant today. 

Ghosting is a social term that refers to the act of abruptly and intentionally ending all communication and contact with someone, typically in personal or interpersonal relationships, without offering any explanation, closure, or prior warning. Ghosting can be a person going on several dates with someone, and then suddenly stopping all communication without explanation. Ghosting can be a person agreeing to meet up with someone in person, and then never showing up. Ghosting can be when a person stops responding to phone calls or text messages from a friend or family member. Ghosting can be applying for a job at a company, having multiple interviews, and the company never communicating a decision. Ghosting can be belonging to a church and finding yourself on the outside and no longer welcomed. Ghosting can be your spouse exiting your marriage without any heads up or communication. Additionally, intermittent ghosting occurs when someone gives inconsistent communication and maintains control, leading to a one-sided relationship that feels false and hurtful. Adam Grant states, “Its uncomfortable to end a friendship or pause a partnership. It’s unkind to stop responding. Ghosting is cowardice plus selfishness. It protects them from awkwardness and deprives you of closure. Silence doesn't avoid conflict it offloads it onto the person who is ghosted.”  

How do you begin the process of healing from ghosting?  

1.       Recognize and Accept Your Emotions: Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions after being ghosted. It's natural to feel hurt, sad, angry, or confused when you lack closure. Acknowledge and accept your emotions without judgment and know that they are valid. It's okay to feel however you feel.

2.       Realize the Importance of Self Care: As you process your emotions and practice self-care, you can also find closure by reflecting on your needs and boundaries in the relationship. This process can help you gain clarity, understand what did and didn't work, and let go of the past. Closure can be an internal process, not necessarily relying on the other person's actions or words.

3.       Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust can provide valuable perspective and emotional support during this difficult time. 

What if you are a ghoster? Here are a few things to consider: 

1.     Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on why you tend to ghost in relationships. Is it a fear of confrontation, a lack of interest, or something else? Self-awareness is the first step toward personal growth and positive change.

2.     Communication Skills and Honesty: Ghosting often occurs when someone avoids difficult conversations or conflict. Instead of disappearing, try to develop better communication skills. Be open and honest about your feelings, intentions, and concerns. If you're no longer interested in a relationship, it's better to have a respectful conversation to provide closure rather than simply vanishing.

3.     Empathy and Respect: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and consider how your actions might affect them. Ghosting can be hurtful and confusing for the person on the receiving end, causing emotional distress. Treating others with empathy and respect means acknowledging their feelings and providing them with the closure they need to move on. 

In the movie "Friday," the phrase "Bye, Felicia" is famously used to dismiss someone unceremoniously. Similarly, in the context of ghosting, when one abruptly ends communication without explanation, it's as if they're saying "Bye, Felicia" to the person they're cutting off. As we move forward, let's collectively aim to reduce the occurrence of "Bye, Felicia" moments, both in the way we create them and in how we receive them. 

The Halos Counseling Team is here to support you if you have been ghosted. Reach out to us to schedule a free consultation  to determine if we're a good fit for you.