Good Grief: How to Find Healing in the Midst of Loss
Can we be honest...grief is very...well… ghetto! I mean 0 out of 10 I do NOT recommend. Grief is also unavoidable. Grief is something that every person will experience despite your age, race, socio-economic status, etc. We are all susceptible to this horrible yet necessary “thing”. Now when I say grief, I’m certain most minds go to death. Death of a loved one will definitely cause grief, however, death is not the only thing that can trigger grief. Grief is about loss. This loss can be a person to death and a loss can be the ending of a relationship. You can grieve the loss of a job or a position you love. You can grieve certain aspects of your life that have changed or are changing. You can grieve the loss of yourself as you have known you. Literally, there exist thousands of situations that can trigger grief, and it truly makes my skin crawl.
“Good grief!” If you are familiar with the Peanuts Gang, then you know this is what Charlie Brown would say when he would have any mishap. In the context of this blog, we are going to talk about what good grief entails. Believe it or not, good grief can be reality. Recently, I experienced the death of my aunt. I absolutely love (not loved, my love for her will never fade) that woman. I am also working through other losses in my life. As my cousin and I were talking, my cousin mentioned that he had never encountered grief of this magnitude before. I have experienced many losses. It wasn’t until the last few years that I began to process and work through my grievances. What I have come to know is that there is good grief. What I mean is that there is a way to handle losses that are helpful and healing.
Some tips to help grief to be good:
1. Aphiemi: let it go; let it be: Like most feelings that are unpleasant, we tend to push them down or push them away. We don't like the way they feel, so we don't allow them to be. In Sunday School, we learned about the concept of aphiemi. This is a Greek word. We were focusing on sowing seeds and how it is hard to differentiate between what is good and bad wheat until you let it grow. In the haste to be rid of the bad, you will essentially ruin the good if you try to rip up or get rid of the bad. So, aphiemi. Let it be. Then, once the good and bad have grown out, you will be able to differentiate between them, and you can move towards what healing is for you.
2. Solitude: Solitude and loneliness are not the same. Solitude is time alone. Loneliness is a sense of sorrow because you don’t have company. Solitude is necessary. Continuing with the sowing analogy, I imagine a freshly planted seed can feel lonely in the dark earth. The reality is that the earth, the solitude, is protection during the most viable seasons. Without the protection birds can come and pick the seed up and we will never reap the benefits of the seed coming to fruition. Did you catch that? At our most viable and vulnerable points it’s okay to spend time alone to work through your things so other life circumstances or people around us will not prick and prod at us.
3. Gratitude: This feels like the hardest of them all. In the hardest times of our lives how is it even possible to have gratitude? I can imagine the frustration you felt as you read that. I know the frustration I felt when my therapist recommended it to me. Gratitude is helpful as it provides a shift to our thought process. We always find what we’re looking for, right? So why not be intentional to find the good.
These are some tips that I’ve found beneficial. If you find your grief to be overwhelming, consider seeking professional assistance; there's no need to feel ashamed about it. Wishing you a journey towards healing, even when the path may not always be filled with happiness – remember to continue on it nonetheless!
The Halos Counseling Team is here to support you through your season of grief. Reach out to us to schedule a free consult to determine if we're a good fit for you.