The Modern Mom’s Dilemma: Balancing Self-Care and Parenting
Of all the titles I hold, my most favorite is "moma." Of all the jobs I do, the one I work hardest at is being a moma. Being a mom is not for the weak. For me, it takes work, time, patience (of which I have a short supply), intentionality, and so much more. There are no days off. Motherhood begins instantaneously. As soon as we become pregnant, known or unknown, our bodies start the instinctual job of taking care of the life within us. It is a crazy, beautiful, miraculous thing.
Another fun fact about being a mother is that it’s not the totality of who we are. I was in a session once and a man was talking about his childhood. He noted that one thing he recognized is that his moma was just a woman. Was she a mother? Of course. Was she perfect? Of course not. For some reason, that really stood out to me. I found that statement to be very freeing! I am a young (at least I don’t consider 36 to be that old) mother of two beautiful girls (ages 14 and 11). My goodness, motherhood has been a struggle for me. Not just because of the scheduling of extracurricular activities or finances. Not only because we are given these lives with no instructions and are expected to keep them alive. My main struggle was determining when to prioritize their needs or mine.
Gasp! Yes…I know. I heard the air leave your lungs as I pondered actually putting my very own needs before those of my children. Go ahead. Be honest. How many mothers have struggled because they have considered putting their needs before those of their children? If you are looking for a guilt trip or a place to be shamed… keep looking, because, sis, this ain’t it. I watched my moma, who did everything within and outside of her power, to make sure me and my sisters’ every need was met! My moma absolutely sacrificed herself totally for us! I am grateful for that. I am also certain that I don’t have that in me! Don’t get me wrong. I would absolutely give my life for my children, easily. I just decided that I’m going to LIVE for them. I preach to my girls the importance of autonomy… knowing themselves and being true to themselves. What I’ve learned being a parent is that my girls will barely hear what I say but they almost ALWAYS see what I do… if you get what I’m saying. MODEL IT. When we become moms, it changes us for sure. It adds to us in ways and takes from us in others. Our prior roles and who we are/were don’t have to go away because we are momas. If you were into fashion, puzzles, hiking, yoga, whatever, prior to becoming a mom, keep doing it. What happens is we get so lost in being everything to our little people that we lose ourselves, which can lead to resentment of the very things that we created. Don’t get me wrong. My girls definitely give me life. They refresh me! They are a major part of why I want to be the best I can be. The other part of me… the parts of me that are more than a moma, knows that I deserve to be the best for myself and for them! So go be more than a moma! Don’t worry about the thoughts of others or the standards of others. Don’t stress over attempts to be perfect! Be you, totally! That’s the best gift you could ever give yourself and your children. Happy healing, and even when the healing ain’t happy… do it anyway!
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