The Value of a Book Club

2020 was a weird year for all of us, myself included. The pandemic shut us all down in March, and by September, I found myself making a decision to leave a company where I had worked for close to 15 years. In the transition from the familiar to the in-between, I began to ask the question, what do I need right now? One of those answers was, “possibly a book club”. I am a learner. If you look on my iPhone, you will see that I often have the same book on both my kindle and audible, one allows me to highlight content and the other to consume it while I drive. So, a book club seemed like a great option to help me move forward, not be stagnant, and have an achievable goal during the pandemic when normal movement was still limited.   I am also a connector. I like people and I like other people to be introduced to each other. It is an easy incentive to hang out with some of your favorite people once a month. 

So, I put myself out there in an easy way. I added the idea for the 2021 monthly book club on my Instagram story and gave people the option to respond. Within the 24 hour story post time I had over 30 friends express interest. That was all I needed to lean in and make it happen. So, from there I created a Facebook Group as our primary place for communication. I named the book club, “Usie to a Better Selfie”. Maybe you caught the Ted Lasso reference in there. We determined the day each month that worked best for most of us (2nd Tuesday) and landed on 7:30 pm to 9:00 pm EST, to accommodate our book club members from different time zones. And with the help of Zoom and a virtual link we were good to go. As an easy value added I tried to have a discussion guide posted by the Sunday prior to each month’s book club. 

I am writing this in December of 2021, the “Usie to a Better Selfie” book club made it all year. I feel positive about this completion. A whole year passed, and we made it! We showed up, we laughed, at moments we cried, we got to know each other better, and our perspectives were pushed. All the while being generationally, geographically, and politically diverse. Go us and we plan to keep it going for year two. 

So, you are probably wondering what we read? The theme for this year was psychology or growth mindset. Here is the list and a quote from several books:  

January- The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
“You will have begun to gather with purpose when you learn to exclude with purpose. When you learn to close the doors…So many gatherings are hijacked in the name of politeness.”

February- Emotional Agility by Susan David
“Emotional Agility is a process that allows you to be in the moment, changing or maintaining your behaviors so that you can live in ways that align with your intentions and values. The process isn’t about ignoring difficult emotions and thoughts. It’s about holding those emotions and thoughts loosely, facing them courageously and compassionately, and then moving past them to make big things happen your life.”   

March- Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
“As a therapist, I know a lot about pain, about the ways in which pain is tied to loss. But I also know something less commonly understood: that change and loss travel together. We can’t have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.” 

April- How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Barrett
“An emotion is your brain’s creation of what your bodily sensations means, in relation to what is going on around you in the world… Which leads to the theory of constructed emotion, in every waking moment, your brain uses past experiences, organized as concepts, to guide your actions and give your sensations meaning. When the concepts involved are emotion concepts, your brain constructs instances of emotions.”

 May-My Age of Anxiety by Scott Stossel 

 June- The Advice Trap by Michael Stanier
“Hard Change involves saying no to some of what’s worked so far for Present You. Saying no now enables you to say yes to the promise of future rewards. You’re playing a longer-term, harder, bigger game, with a constant temptation to opt out for a short-term win. You’re potentially changing your beliefs and values, roles and relationships, and how you show up in the world. It’s uncomfortable and it’s difficult. It’s also life-changing.”

July- I Didn’t See That Coming by Rachel Hollis
“Obsessing over this person and why they did what they did will not serve you. You are not defined by the pain they inflicted—you are defined by what you turn that pain into.”

 August- What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey
“The capacity to love is at the core of the success of humankind. The reason we’ve survived on this planet is that we’ve been able to form and maintain effective groups. Isolated and disconnected, we are vulnerable. In community, we can protect one another, cooperatively hunt and gather, share with the dependents of our family, our clan. Relational glue keeps our species alive, and love is relational superglue.” 

September- Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

October- The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel
“We crave security, and we crave adventure, but these two fundamental needs spring from different motives and pull us in different directions throughout our lives- played out in the tensions between separateness and togetherness, individuality and intimacy, freedom, and commitment.” 

November- Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion by Greg Boyle
“Mother Teresa diagnosed the world’s ills in this way: we’ve just “forgotten that we belong to each other.” Kinship is what happens to us when we refuse to let that happen. With kinship as the goal, other essential things fall into place; without it, no justice, no peace. I suspect that were kinship our goal, we would no longer be promoting justice- we would be celebrating it.”

December- Your Body Might Shape Who You are (Ted Talk) by Amy Cuddy

Here are helpful hints I discovered in facilitating a monthly book club:

·        Some books will be homeruns, and some might be duds. Regardless, there will be ideas, concepts, or quotes that will still resonate with you.

·        Everyone has different favorites, books hit us all differently.  

·        Be open to book suggestions. 

·        Be open to letting others facilitate. 

·        Try to stay consistent in your communication. 

·        Be open to others joining. 

·        See if there is a podcast or Ted Talk that compliments the book. This was a great tool, for those who weren’t able to complete the book, but still wanted to participate. 

·        Create a discussion guide.

·        Some months might have high attendance others might be low, meet anyway. 
Book Clubs provide a path to learn, as well as for leisure reading while building or maintaining a community.  

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