Two Parts of a Romantic Relationship: Companionship and Erotic
There are countless songs written about love, and we all have our favorites. For me, love songs started to make sense in middle school primarily with country music like “Forever and Ever, Amen” by Randy Travis, “It’s Your Love” by Tim McGraw, or “She’s in Love with the Boy” by Trisha Yearwood. At least I thought they were making sense but several heartbreaks later I am not so sure. These songs pull at our heart strings and create desires for our love life. This blog is going to focus on one song and that song is “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner originally called “The Best” recorded by Bonnie Tyler (surprise, not a country song). If you have not heard the song, take a moment to listen to it.
There are two parts to a relationship: companionship and erotic. In the companionship part of the relationship, this is like having a roommate, you are living life together. You are paying bills, hanging out, raising kids, taking care of the house, doing the day to day. The erotic part of the relationship is where the passion is located for our partner, and YES this includes SEX (physical touch in a way to give and/or receive pleasure, and most of the time involving genitals). The song “Simply the Best” is a love song which to me seems as if she is referring to the erotic side of the relationship. I mean “I call you when I need you, my heart’s on fire. You come to me, come to me wild and wild. When you come to me, give me everything I need,” and that is only the first verse. It would be nice if we all felt that our partners were “Simply the Best” when it comes to sex. If we did view our partners that way then sex would less likely be a chore, boring, unenjoyable, and sometimes painful. There is a large amount of pressure when it comes to sex (preparation, performance, orgasm, stamina, finishing, etc.).
What if we removed all the pressures around sex, and only made it about pleasure. Learning about our partner’s pleasures and trusting that they will guide us. Trusting that our partners will learn about our pleasures and let us guide them. The pilot will guide the copilot. Let us drop our egos and listen to our partners. Then we help our partners to become “Simply the Best” around our sexual desires. Sex becomes more about each partner instead of just one partner which increases the desire to have more sex. Due to traumas, anxieties, and fears sometimes an individual must set up boundaries to protect themselves. This is another area we need to learn about our partners. Sometimes our sexual desires might trigger our partner’s traumas, anxieties, and fears and we respect our partners boundaries around them. We are still open about our sexual desires but understand the reason that specific desire cannot be met at that time. It does give you the opportunity to become creative with your partner around that sexual desire to see if it can be met in another way.
I raise a glass to an increase in our erotic relationships! Let’s give and receive pleasure to and from our partners and let the rest be bonuses (gifts, chocolates, vacations, etc.) during any occasion!
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