Parental Bumper Pads: Navigating Middle and High School Life Together
One of our roles as parents/guardians is to provide guidance for our kids as they navigate through their school years. The biggest steps for our kids happen at the secondary level, first when they enter middle school and then again when they enter high school. LanGeek defines a bumper pad as a protective cushion or padding used to prevent damage or impacts between objects. I have worked in education at the secondary level as a teacher, assistant principal, and principal. I would like to share my insight to help keep your kids within the Bumper Pads.
Bumper 1: Know who your child is spending time with during the eight hours they are at school.
Who is influencing them? The transition to middle school can be one of the biggest changes for parents. For years parents have helped pick their children’s friends, normally neighborhood, church, or work families you already know. Now for the first time they are mixed together with students from other schools from different neighborhoods and social economic classes. This can be a huge growth experience for them. It is important to ask questions and listen to the little details they share about their new friends. Don’t direct them away from new friends, instead, invite their new friends over, meet their family at a neutral location or any other activity you may be comfortable attending. This will allow you to get to know them better and help you make an informed decision about whether or not your child should be spending time with their new friend.
Bumper 2: Give your child the space they need to speak to you.
What does “space to speak to you" mean? I have found that students in middle and high schools will share when they are ready to talk. Sometimes as parents (me included) we get caught up asking one billion questions and still feel like we don’t get any answers. Try actively engaging in silence around them. Go sit in their room while they are playing video games. Turn off the music in your car or refrain from speaking on the phone when you are together and don’t ask them a billion questions. When you do this consistently enough you will find they start talking to you about almost anything. Listen to the rambling story about the girl drama at school, pretend the video game they are telling you about is the most interesting thing you have ever heard; the little conversations are what build the bridge to bigger conversations. When the bigger conversations happen, try your best to not overreact (at least not in front of them). They will continue to talk to you if you give them the “space to share.”
Bumper 3: Let them safely explore who they are as individuals.
What is safe freedom? Children mature significantly throughout middle school and again in about tenth grade in high school. They begin developing their own style, making new friends, and finding new interests. As their parents or guardians think ahead about what your non-negotiables are. Most of the time when we overreact it is because we are caught off guard by something. Will you allow them to dye their hair? What will be your reaction when they tell you they will no longer be playing the sport they played for twelve years? Will you allow them to go out with a group of friends you have not met? What level of support will you give them when they decide they are going to try out for community theater and have never shown an interest in it before? Safely exploring who they are becoming should come with family conversations. Family conversations should include two-way conversations, again, allowing your child to have the “space to speak.”
Bumper 4: School communication is key in secondary level education.
How do we communicate in middle and high schools? One of the most talked about adjustment for parents from elementary to middle school and then again from middle school to high school is the “lack of communication.” I don’t believe there is a lack of communication, it just looks different at the secondary level. Secondary schools use different platforms to communicate. You may be familiar with schools making nightly phone calls, school websites and social media platforms. It is so important to listen to the phone calls that are made from your school, follow your child’s school social media outlets to keep up to date on what is happening in the classrooms and on the campus. The majority of secondary teachers have anywhere from 60-120 students per semester. Therefore, they do not always have the time to individually email/call every student’s parent or guardian, but they are more than happy to respond to an email/call from you about your child. If as a parent you have any questions or concerns, email the teacher immediately. Don’t wait until days, weeks or even months go by. Ask your questions! Voice your concerns! Do not hesitate to contact them.
Bumper 5: Check the school’s grading platform.
What is going on with your child’s grades? One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give you is to check your child’s grades consistently. Every secondary school has a platform in which all student grades are kept. Parents should be checking it at least every other week. Some systems have parent portals so as the parent you can get notifications when grades have been updated. One of the pitfalls I see happen to students at the secondary level is they do not always know how to get themselves out of a “hole.” For whatever reason they got behind in a class or two and now they don’t know how to catch up. When parents are checking their grades consistently you should be able to see “the red flag” and help them navigate how to make a plan to get caught up.
Bumper 6: Teachers and friends.
How do you react when you don’t like a teacher or when your child is in a different class than their friends? Parents and guardians have the opportunity to model for their children how to handle different situations. In schools, sometimes students are faced with teachers they “do not like.” Allow your child the opportunity to share with you why they do not like the teacher. Have them give you detailed information, not generalizations such as “she is mean.” As a parent you then have two different options. First, you can give your child tips/tools on how to work with people they don’t always see eye to eye with. Secondly, you could set up a conference with the teacher and your child. Helping to create a space for your child to share their concerns with their teacher and allowing the teacher to respond. In the secondary level we have conversations with parents about moving their child to another class to be with their friends. One of the great opportunities of public education is students are awarded the ability to meet and work with a wide range of other students. Not always being with their friends could be such a positive experience for them. This goes along with Bumpers 1 and 3, allowing students to safely explore new experiences and friendships.
Bumper 7: Students need to get involved.
What is the importance of being involved? Students who are involved in extracurricular activities inside or outside of school repeatedly tend to perform better academically. Secondary level schools offer a wide variety of activities for students. From band, to sports, gaming clubs, art, FFA, FBLA, Interact…the list could go on and on. Encouraging your child to participate in at least one activity per school year increases their likelihood of doing well in school. If your child does not participate at school, encourage them to explore outside interests. Maybe they would be interested in volunteering at the animal shelter, helping with special needs baseball or being part of their church youth group. Students need to have a balance of school and activity. It will help increase their ability to socialize with others, learn time management and help them discover who they are and what interests them.
Bumper 8: Social Media and Online Resources
How do you navigate social media and online resources? The biggest piece of information/advice I can give for you as an educator is to continuously check your child’s phone. Monitor everything they are posting, who they are following and who is following them. It is okay to have them turn in their phones to you in the evening, give them a mental break from social media. Speak with your child about the dangers of sending inappropriate messages and pictures. And yes, even the “good” kids send inappropriate messages and pictures. There is a plethora of online resources available to our students such as AI or any of the math problem solving websites. Easy doesn’t always mean better. Speak with your child about how to appropriately use the resources to help them through their work, not to do the work for them.
In conclusion, as parents or guardians, we have a crucial role in guiding our children through their school years, especially during the significant transitions to middle school and high school. Just like a bumper pad cushions and protects, we must provide a protective and supportive environment for our kids. By knowing their friends, giving them space to open up, allowing safe exploration of their individuality, staying informed through school communication, monitoring grades, supporting relationships with teachers and friends, encouraging involvement in extracurricular activities, and navigating social media and online resources together, we can ensure our children's educational journey is filled with growth, learning, and a strong sense of self. Let's be the bumper pads that keep them safe and thriving.
The Halos Counseling Team is here to support you and your family through their educational years. Reach out to us to schedule a free consult to determine if we're a good fit for you.