Change Your Thoughts…Bird in the Barn

There was a study done in 2020 that suggested that people have more than 6,000 thoughts a day. Another study in 2017, stated that 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% of our thoughts are repetitive. I don’t know the thoughts you are thinking after reading that, but for me I find it to be discouraging to know that I have more negative thoughts that are repetitive than positive. I could instantly identify those negative repetitive thoughts that I have daily, and those thoughts I hear from other people in my day-to-day life. Thoughts like, “I am not good enough,” “I am fat,” “Why did I inherit this nose,” “I am dumb,” “I am a terrible father,” “I wish I was a better daughter,” “I hate myself,” and millions of more. We hang on to these negative thoughts and began to believe them. 

The other day I was listening to the podcast The Hilarious World of Depression. The guest on the podcast points out that, “our thoughts could be viewed like a bird flying into a barn. We can make a nest for the bird or let it fly out.” Mind blown! What a great image?! When a thought pops up, we can either create a home for it or allow it to leave. Many of us have learned to make a home for our negative thoughts and allow the positive thoughts to leave. Once something is our home, we return to it, and that is what the negative thoughts do because they are welcomed there. I think for me the negative thoughts I have the most difficult letting go are those thoughts that were given to me by other people (family members, peers, strangers, society, authority figures – school/religion/politics/etc., and friends). One story I share with my friends is, when I was a boy, I was at a family photoshoot. My mom told me not to smile with my mouth open because my teeth were too big. For many years after that I would not smile with my mouth open. I allowed other people’s thoughts to create a home in my mind, and then believed them. Changing our thought process takes time. We begin by being aware of the negative thoughts and identifying them. We gently remind ourselves that the negative thoughts are not welcomed, and we replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. If we provide our positive thoughts a home than there will be less room for the negative thoughts. I understand that this is easier said than done. The Halos Counseling Team is here to support and encourage you. If there is a thought or thoughts that seem to never leave, we want to help you work through it. Reach out to us. Finding the right therapist in Charlotte or Shelby can be a challenge. Schedule a free consult with us to determine if we're a good fit for you.

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