Getting Through the Blue
On the drive home from the last Christmas gathering, I realized my thoughts were wandering…well, not so much wandering as floundering for a new direction. A new train of thought was trying to push forward on tired and worn tracks. The never-ending mental checklist of traveling plans, packing and unpacking, visits, activities, shopping, gifting, wrapping, cooking and baking, meal-planning and parties just came to a shocking and abrupt halt.
As contented as I was about the great times the season brought, I felt a bit down that it was over and was puzzled by my blue feelings. Still reeling from these new emotions, I made a quick stop at a local store. Clerks were busy re-setting the shelves with Valentine hearts and chocolates. I sighed again. Could the world please wait until I’m ready to move on? Could everything just be still a minute? I realized what I needed was time to process it all. Later when I finally sat down to relax, that is exactly what I did. I asked myself why I felt blue and then proceeded to answer. (You can call me senile because I talk to myself, but positive self-talk is a therapeutic coping mechanism. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it). Seriously, the first step to healing is acknowledging you have an issue. Processing through one’s thoughts is a step toward self-discovery.
And in that vein, what I discovered surprised me. My blue mood wasn’t just about the ending of the Christmas season. I also felt relief and then guilt soon followed. This season for me (and perhaps for you) was not all merry and bright. Commercialism gives a false sense of everyone being happy throughout the season. In reality, the holidays bring a myriad of emotions- including grief and sadness. As I thought back over the past couple months, I realized my holiday season was touched by experiences of family and friends. The reality and harshness of illnesses, job losses, cancer diagnoses, aging complications, family separations, and untimely deaths. While these life events occur all the time, it is especially difficult to experience them while encountering holiday cheer on every corner. It takes an enormous amount of emotional energy to get through the holidays when bad news and tragedy are disrupters to the anticipated joy and peace of the season.
As I thought back over the disruptions to my holiday season, I recalled activities on my list that I was not able to accomplish. I made a mental note to attempt them again next year, but also resolved that even though I did not accomplish everything I wanted to do, I did everything I could do as best as I could in the moments I had. I said to myself (there I go again) that the guilt I felt about being relieved the season was over is a normal reaction. Being self-aware of how you view the ending of holiday seasons will help you plan and prepare for the next one. In the same regard, plans and preparation are beneficial if one understands that when life throws a curve, plans must be adjusted. Giving yourself permission to change plans is paramount to regulating emotions and stress.
So go ahead and pack up the wreath, put the lights in storage, and take the elf off the shelf. As you close this chapter of the holiday season, ponder on the lives you touched, the tears you shed, the good times you had, and look forward to a new year of memories and possibilities.
Feeling guilty about being relieved the holidays are over? Psych Central has a great article on this topic https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-manage-post-holiday-depression. If you need to process through post-holiday blues or any type of depression, we are here to help.
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