Am I Ready? A Personal Journey Through Therapy and Mental Health
My whole life, I have found safety in listening. It has been a tool that has benefited me since childhood, and I am thankful for it. Through listening, I learn so much about others and, in return, about myself. In this blog, I will share some of my own experiences, and I hope that, in turn, you will learn something about yourself.
Recently, I was enjoying a pumpkin cold brew while discussing ideal clients with colleagues. No shame—I'm a huge fan of pumpkin and wish it were a year-round flavor. During the conversation, we all agreed that clients who show up willing to work and open to change are ideal. For me as a counselor, it is rewarding to watch clients grow, change, and heal, which happens as a result of doing the work. It’s also rewarding for the clients as they meet their goals, develop a better sense of self, improve their environments, and reduce symptoms associated with mental health challenges. My colleagues and I agreed that clients engage in the work when they are ready. For me, doing the work means focusing on discomfort, being open to self-awareness and awareness of those in our lives, being mindful of our thoughts and behaviors, and being willing to change.
I remember my very first counseling session as a client. My college roommate, who was also a friend, walked with me to the session. I took my time getting there, hesitant and unwilling. I didn’t want to go, but I had been given an ultimatum: if I didn’t seek counseling, we would no longer be roommates. I agreed to go, but I did not agree to do the work. During my session, I spoke in facts, avoiding anything that resembled a problem. The counselor chalked it up to normal college stress and said I was welcome to return anytime, though he didn’t think it was necessary. I didn’t go back. I wasn’t ready. Things continued to worsen. Three months later, after meeting with my academic advisor (who was also a licensed counselor) to review my fall classes, he asked me how I was doing. I crumbled. It all came pouring out, quickly but endlessly. He was kind and listened to me. He gave me the name of a counselor he respected and encouraged me to go. I suppose I was finally ready. I took that step, and thus began my adventures with mental health—and trust me, it has been an adventure.
Before I was ready, I believed I was stable, comparing myself to others and telling myself that I wasn’t allowed to be unstable. I was unaware that I was remaining ignorant of myself, blaming others for my symptoms and behaviors. I needed control to function and hid behind my positive qualities. My breaking point came when I realized my close relationships were suffering, and I no longer knew how to fix them. It became clear that I was causing more harm than good. With that awareness, I became ready.
I have been in and out of counseling since I was 19. Sometimes I’ve gone consistently for several years; other times, I’ve only attended for shorter periods. Reflecting on those early, consistent years of counseling, I often felt unstable—or what I would have described at the time as “crazy.” It seemed as if I was always at the bottom of the mountain, and making it to the top was impossible. While I knew in some moments that I was making progress, I didn’t truly believe it. I was blind to the work I had done because I was stuck in my current negative moment. (Another lesson I took a long time to learn was that I was choosing to focus on the negative instead of the positive.) The behaviors I wanted to change, I repeated. I was stuck in self-pity, frustration, and hopelessness. Many times, I wanted to give up, and at times, I did pause the work. When I talk about doing the work, I mean developing awareness of our behaviors, acknowledging what we’ve hidden, recognizing destructive behaviors in loved ones that we enable, and reshaping how we view ourselves. Doing the work is hard and can feel terrible—just like physical exercise, the more we do and the more time we put in, the stronger we become and the more progress we make.
When we are ready, we jump in—sometimes feeling prepared, sometimes unsure. We dive in not knowing how deep it will go, what we will discover, or how it will shape us. Readiness is terrifying, with maybe a hint of excitement. Being ready keeps us motivated when the work becomes difficult. I’m thankful that I was ready 17 years ago. We cannot stop change, but it comes more easily when we decide what it might look like.
Many years ago, I was talking with someone who had a tattoo that read “HOPE” for all to see. I asked about it, and they told me it stood for “Hold On, Pain Ends.”
Are you ready?
If you're seeking guidance on whether you're ready to begin the therapy process, reach out to Halos Counseling for professional support. This blog was written by Brad Vaughn, LCMHC, who is dedicated to helping individuals explore their readiness for change and personal growth through counseling.