Why Do We Need Community?

I remember as a young adult watching the movie, About A Boy, starring Hugh Grant. The opening scene has the main character Will, played by Hugh, watching “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” (who remembers when that was popular), and the question for the contestants is “who wrote the phrase ‘no man is an island?’” The answer is John Donne. Will goes on to give many reasons why all men are islands and why this is the time for island living. He reasons all you need are the right supplies and the right attitude.  Now for the spoiler alert, as the movie continues, Will experiences the value of not being an island and begins to live in the fullness of his community.

It might be tempting to buy into Will’s theory that with the right supplies and the right attitude, island living is all you need. Sure, there are some momentary benefits to island living, though as life continues the longing for more connection, for more community, and for belonging only intensifies. This might be a good moment to pause and consider, if you see yourself as an island? Or as John Donne; continues to state: “every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” Are you a part of the main? If you identify as “an island” or “a part of the main” consider these few questions? But first, to help you assess where you land, let me share Merriam-Webster’s definition of community: a unified body of individuals. This could be your family, your college roommates, your sports team, your work out crew, your co-workers, your church group, or a blend of all the above.  What shaped your view of community? Can you have levels of personal autonomy and still be part of a community?  What have you enjoyed about being in community? What has prevented you from being in community? Why do people opt in or like to be in community with you?  Why do people opt out or don’t like to be in community with you? So where did you land, “island” or “part of the main”? And what did you discover about yourself through those questions? 

What is the value you add as being a part of a community?  

·        Being Known and Being Seen. A community provides a place where you are accepted, where you get to be you. How freeing is that? It is a place for your talents to be recognized and used for the greater good.  

·        Communication and Expression. In our quest for acceptance, we need a space to be heard, a safe space for our internal dialogues to be expressed externally. We need a place to listen to others and to provide the support they might need. It needs to be a place where all the emotions from joy to grief to wonder are accepted.  

·        Common Interests. You can lean into community around your interests and your passions. It is easier to build community around the things you like because it already establishes one area of connection.  

For some of us, community comes easy, for others it can be a little more challenging. If you need help understanding if you are an “island” or “a part of the main” or how to build community reach out to Halos Counseling. Finding the right therapist in Charlotte can be a challenge. Schedule a free consult with us to determine if we're a good fit for you. #nomanisanisland