The Process of Coming Out…Welcoming Who We Are

I have sat down several times to write on the topic of sexuality, but fear continued to pop up as I began to write. I felt fear that my writing would not be accepted, that I would say the wrong things, or how would some people respond to me. I would encourage myself to write on something else, but feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment would develop inside of me for not having the courage to write on the topic. 

What I was experiencing every time I went to write was not new to me. A cycle developed inside of me at a young age once I began to realize my own sexuality and noticed that it was not an acceptable sexuality for most people in my life. The cycle looked like this. I would have a desire to welcome my sexuality, fear would pop up, I would not welcome my sexuality, and I would feel guilty, shameful, and embarrassed for not welcoming myself.  My fear held my sexuality in its hands. It gave me lies to tell and encouraged me to remain private about it. Over time and a long internal battle, I slowly was able to welcome my sexuality. I wanted the people I cared about in my life and the god I was serving to also welcome me, but the cycle would continue to show up. It was exhausting. I continue to learn ways to get myself out of the cycle, and to prevent the cycle from even showing up. I push forward with welcoming myself even when those I care about do not welcome me. I acknowledge that it’s hard and devastating at times, but I have found it to be freeing for me. I have come to understand that I am who I am, and as long as I am expressing love then that is what is right. That is who I want to be and that is the me I welcome. Halos Counseling welcomes you. If there are fears in your life that prevent you from being who you want to be we are here to help. Happy Pride Month!   

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