The Healing Power of Nostalgia: Using Internal Family Systems in Therapy

I recently emptied a storage unit that I had been renting for the past two years. It contained a mix of my belongings, my mom’s belongings, and items from friends and siblings. As with many storage units, it turned into a nostalgic journey through time. I found a container filled with Cabbage Patch Kids from our childhood, old family videos, and a box of vintage photos. Over the past few nights, I’ve enjoyed sharing these throwbacks in the family text thread. 

In counseling, there is a theory called Internal Family Systems. This theory suggests that just as we have external systems like our families, work groups, and sports teams, we also have an internal family system. This internal system consists of various parts that make up who we are. The more we understand these parts and the roles they play in our lives, the better we can understand ourselves, our emotions, and when we are most in alignment with our true selves. 

As I looked through the old photos, especially those of me as a young child, I paid close attention to my facial expressions and body language. What did they communicate? What did I notice about myself? 

In recent years, through the lens of Internal Family Systems, I often ask my clients when they felt most alive as children. How did the adults or other kids around them respond to their liveliness? I also ask when they have felt lively recently. "Lively" is a crucial concept because it represents our truest, most free selves. I won’t define "lively" precisely, as it may vary slightly for each of us. It is when we are in flow, when we are most ourselves. It isn't necessarily when we are the loudest, although it could be. 

Take a moment to answer these questions for yourself: As a child, when were you most lively? How did people respond? Did their responses encourage you to be more yourself, or did they cause you to retreat? Can you recall a recent time when you felt lively? If not, why? Returning to a state of liveliness might mean taking risks. 

This journey through old belongings was more than just a nostalgic trip; it was a reminder of the importance of reconnecting with our truest selves. By revisiting those moments of childhood liveliness and reflecting on how we can embrace that vitality in our present lives, we gain deeper insight into who we are and who we strive to be. So, as you ponder your own moments of liveliness, take some time to look at your own childhood pictures and ask those who know you best when they see you most alive. Embracing these parts of yourself can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life, with the key to a vibrant existence lying in recognizing and nurturing the lively child within us all. #staylively  

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