Breaking Through Loneliness: Your Guide to a Connected Life (Part 1 of 3)

Loneliness is a deeply human experience, stemming from our intrinsic need for social connections. It manifests when there's a mismatch between our desire for meaningful social interactions and the reality of our social lives, leading to feelings of emotional distress or discomfort. 

The multidimensional theory of loneliness breaks it down into three sub-categories: emotional, social, and collective loneliness. 

Emotional Loneliness: This type surfaces when one lacks close, intimate relationships, like those with a partner or a best friend. It's marked by a shortfall in intimate connections and an absence of vulnerability—the courage required to take emotional risks for deeper connections. Reflecting on my own life, I recall experiencing emotional loneliness after high school. In 1995, I ventured to Florida for college, far from the familiarity of home, with limited ways to stay connected due to the rarity of cell phones. Despite my excitement about college and joining the soccer team, I couldn't shake off the emptiness from missing my close relationships back home. Perhaps you can recall a moment in your life when you felt a similar gap in emotional connections. 

Social Loneliness: This type emerges from a scarcity of a broader social network, including friends, colleagues, and neighbors. It's the void felt from lacking a community. An example from my late 20s involves moving to Chattanooga, Tennessee, for a new job, where I missed sharing experiences with friends from Charlotte. We had trained together for the Virginia Beach half marathon, but when they went to the event without me, their attempts to include me couldn't bridge the physical distance. That weekend, the sting of social loneliness was unmistakable. 

Collective Loneliness: This occurs when you miss being part of a network with a shared purpose or interests, like a local church, a meaningful organization, or a group aligned with your values. For me, an example was in 2020 when I decided to leave the university I had worked at since 2007. Despite my excitement for the future, I temporarily missed the collective connection the university provided, especially the daily opportunities to impact students and the value I placed on education. 

It's crucial to acknowledge the gap between one's actual and desired level of connection, whether emotional, social, or collective. A person may feel lonely despite having social ties. 

As we reflect on these insights, let's consider: Among emotional, social, and collective strengths, which one is your forte, and in which area do you see room for growth?

To delve deeper into your feelings of connection, the UCLA Loneliness Survey can be a valuable tool.

If you are feeling lonely, Halos Counseling Team is here to support you. Reach out to us to schedule a free consultation to determine if we're a good fit for you.