Welcoming Grief
When I was working on my master’s degree, I had the opportunity to do an Internship with Hospice. I did not have experience with grief counseling prior to this internship but was eager to learn. I spent time with families and friends of those who had lost loved ones, set in grief counseling groups, and called family members to check in on them. I listened to stories of the person who passed, and the heartaches of those they left behind. My first experience with grief around death was twelve days before my 12th birthday. My grandpa had recently been in the hospital for some health issues. It was a Saturday morning; I had just come out of my room when my dad informed me that my grandpa passed away. My brain did not comprehend what he said correctly. I was so excited because I thought my dad informed me that my grandpa went home which meant I would be able to go play backgammon with him. I remember my dad looking at me in a strange way and saying, “your grandpa died.” I was floored, confused, and my emotions everywhere. I am not sure what inspired next except I was the one calling other family members to let them know that he passed away. Even to this day, 22 years later, I get emotional thinking about it. To my understanding, I have taken the time to work through the loss of my grandpa, but I can honestly say that I still miss him.
Grief is complicating and shows up in many forms. Sometimes it sits on the surface of our emotions, and at other times it hides until it can show up out of nowhere. We do are best to hold it in. We fight it. All for what? We do this for others. We do not want to burden, make others feel uncomfortable, show weakness, or fear that we will forget our loved one. Grief has a purpose. If I break my arm my body is going to remind me (pain) that something is wrong with my arm until my arm heals. If I ignore the pain and not let my arm heal it will take longer for my arm to heal which normally creates more problems. Grief is the pain for loss. Grief is going to remind us that we have not healed from a loss. If I ignore the grief the longer it will take to heal which normally complicates the grief. By welcoming grief, we can process our loss and began healing. Welcoming grief can happen in many ways. Welcoming grief could look like crying in the line at the grocery store because a Reese’s Cup reminds you of your loved one and sharing your grief unapologetically with the person behind you. One of the most important things I learned while at Hospice was that there is no time limit on grief. Our love for someone does not stop because of death. It seems at times though our environment, people in our lives, and other things expect us to grieve quickly. The truth is there is no time limit on grief, and it is okay to grieve as long as it takes.
If you have not read Dr. Sarah Currie’s blog on “Life is Bittersweet,” I encourage you to do so. She shares about the loss of her Aunt Sharon, gives you quotes, and provides you with questions that you can ask yourself when you are experiencing grief.
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